I'm kinda bugged lately. At my so-called visiting teachers. They never come. They never write. They don't even say hello to me sometimes at RS events or at church. Six weeks ago one of them approached me and apologized for not doing anything with VT, but it was an awkward exchange because I think she almost wanted me to make her feel better for neglecting me and her assignment. "Oh Allison, I'm your VT. And I feel so bad because we haven't ever visited you."
What am I supposed to say to that - "oh, thats okay. Don't worry about it. Don't feel bad...."
The truth is, she should feel bad! Its an important job. Everyone needs a shepherd. I know, I know, I can be an idealist and its hard not to expect that from others. Honestly, I'm a pretty good visiting teacher. I write cards, I visit every other month. I make cookies. I babysit. I say hello at church and RS events and sincerely try to create a caring friendship. I even threw a baby shower for someone I vt'd last year. Sigh....
Part of my frustration is that right now in my life I really need visiting teachers. I'm still relatively new in the ward, I've got no family in the vicinity, I'm not a part of the young mom club (75% of the RS), and I'll be moving soon. It'd be wonderful to feel cared about, overtly included, to have help moving, and to have visitors at least every other month to share a spiritual message. I guess not this time around... my task now is to not resent the situation and to let it go.
Like Peter says, many people suffer from failed perfectionism. They think they have to do something perfectly or they won't do it at all (visiting every month). So, instead of saying hello or dropping me a simple email or a card, they don't do anything. And everytime they see me, they feel guilty and anxious because I'm a reminder of their neglect. As opposed to feeling warmth, friendship and kindness.
My apologies if I sound harsh, critical or judgmental. I just wish my visiting teachers recognized how much I need them. This whole situation is helping me to be aware of the fact that everyone needs visiting teachers and that the program is inspired!!! AARGH!!! or should I say AMEN!
What are your thoughts and experiences with VT?
5 comments:
Tell them you need them. Be plain. One time at my very lowest, I went to my absent VT and told her I needed her. I even cried. (which says a lot) She still never came. The miracle? My former VT showed up the next day because "she couldn't get me off her mind". Moroni 6:5... I fear we spend time putting on pretenses instead of speaking concerning the welfare of our souls.
I'm so sad to read this, my dear friend! YOU have been on my mind lately. I want to give you a hug and tell you how much I miss you.
You should have responded with "You can make yourself feel better and come visit me. I'm available tomorrow." Your visiting teachers suck. No doubt about it. I, too, am not a perfect visiting teacher, but I try to make contact with them regularly enough with visits every month and phone/text at other times during the month. It is an inspired program, and most of the time my visiting teachers have come through for me, too.
Call your RS president, and ask who your visiting teachers are because you need them right now. I will pray you get help....
My visiting teacher went to our RS Pres. before I moved in. She said give me a challenge! So, we moved in, I got added to her list and I make her work for her blessings! A huge blessing for me as I've had mediocre experiences with them in the past.
We are still trying to figure out why we haven't had good home teachers in our entire marriage... *sigh*
Good reminder of how important visiting teaching is...you've inspired me to send a card more when I can't actually be there in person (which I admit does happen sometimes).
Good news, my VT's took me out to breakfast in February and we are already scheduled for March! Its a complete turn around. I felt like such a baby writing this post, and I knew I was being selfish and judgmental. My apologies. I was also trying to be real because sometimes ppl think my life is so glamorous in NYC. Its not, its normal! :) So, anyway, the biggest thing I've gotten out of it is that yes, VT is very important and we should never assume or think that anyone doesn't need it. Thank you all for your supportive comments, and for tolerating my little tantrum. :) All better now.
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