A Nightmare of Sorts

I've had a personality conflict with a co-worker for a while now, and we have a good altercation every other month, at least. The only times we don't altercate are when I am submissive, obedient and obsequious to her tyrannical wishes. Well, sometimes the snark in me just comes out and I dare to discuss something with her (a petty injustice), to which she becomes belligerent and it goes from there.

After said exchange this morning, here's the email I sent to my "bosses":

My apologies for the altercation of sorts this morning in our department. I understand your frustration that there is sometimes conflict between us, and I know that the bottom line is that this doesn’t affect work/ production from our department or at Prisma.

I feel that I should express my point of view for your reference.

TK has a naturally domineering personality and she likes to be in charge. I’m okay being a follower and most of the time we do have a peaceful working relationship.

L's strategy is to let everything go and to perpetually submit to TK’s stronger personality. I find that when I submit to doing everything this way then there is peace, but its not practical or sustainable. I have leadership qualities and opinions, and I think it would be to the benefit of Prisma and all to demonstrate these as appropriate.

One of the recurring triggers for conflict is that TK often feels threatened when I attempt to take a leadership role or bring up real work issues that may implicate her performance in any way. Examples include: when she forgets to take the UPS, if she doesn’t cover certain tasks for me when I’m out of the office, and/or if I send her a reminder about something she becomes hostile or defensive. Most of the time I ignore these oversights because its not a big deal. Conversely, she brings all of these things/ issues up to me and makes me accountable if I forget to do something. She also reminds me of various tasks very often throughout the day/ week. But I feel like I can’t communicate the double standard or she would be angered. I sometimes feel suppressed into silence and compliance to keep the peace with her.

My primary frustration is that TK, although not here five days a week, functions as a virtual boss in our department, although we are all equals. When I attempt to communicate about real work issues she can view these as attacks to her personally. If I just let everything go, submit and let her be in charge, things are fine. I often ask myself, however, is that really a healthy or sustainable working relationship?

I enjoy my job at Prisma and I want to work well with TK. I don’t think she realizes how domineering she can be or how she’s not truly open to criticism or change. I believe that I am open to constructive criticism and positive change, and I welcome your ideas on how I personally can improve.

Thank you,
Allison Nelson
Prisma Capital Partners
One Penn Plaza, suite 3515
New York, NY 10119
212-590-0827
__________________________________________________________
They never got back to me. Just sent a calendar invite for tomorrow morning when we have yet another mediated conversation with the HR gal. If everything goes as it always does, my point of view won't be validated or understood and I will be expected to submit in order to keep the peace. HR hates contention, so they'd rather stick their head in the sand than deal with the liability. Our other co-worker sacrifices all dignity and principle for peace, so I seem like the problem child b/c I actually, occasionally speak up against the repression.
Yes, I lied about enjoying my job. The cash flow is too good to walk away. And I can't believe its me in my own life sometimes. Sheesh. What a nightmare. And I have to keep suckin' it up for five more months until I can take maternity leave.