A Nightmare of Sorts

I've had a personality conflict with a co-worker for a while now, and we have a good altercation every other month, at least. The only times we don't altercate are when I am submissive, obedient and obsequious to her tyrannical wishes. Well, sometimes the snark in me just comes out and I dare to discuss something with her (a petty injustice), to which she becomes belligerent and it goes from there.

After said exchange this morning, here's the email I sent to my "bosses":

My apologies for the altercation of sorts this morning in our department. I understand your frustration that there is sometimes conflict between us, and I know that the bottom line is that this doesn’t affect work/ production from our department or at Prisma.

I feel that I should express my point of view for your reference.

TK has a naturally domineering personality and she likes to be in charge. I’m okay being a follower and most of the time we do have a peaceful working relationship.

L's strategy is to let everything go and to perpetually submit to TK’s stronger personality. I find that when I submit to doing everything this way then there is peace, but its not practical or sustainable. I have leadership qualities and opinions, and I think it would be to the benefit of Prisma and all to demonstrate these as appropriate.

One of the recurring triggers for conflict is that TK often feels threatened when I attempt to take a leadership role or bring up real work issues that may implicate her performance in any way. Examples include: when she forgets to take the UPS, if she doesn’t cover certain tasks for me when I’m out of the office, and/or if I send her a reminder about something she becomes hostile or defensive. Most of the time I ignore these oversights because its not a big deal. Conversely, she brings all of these things/ issues up to me and makes me accountable if I forget to do something. She also reminds me of various tasks very often throughout the day/ week. But I feel like I can’t communicate the double standard or she would be angered. I sometimes feel suppressed into silence and compliance to keep the peace with her.

My primary frustration is that TK, although not here five days a week, functions as a virtual boss in our department, although we are all equals. When I attempt to communicate about real work issues she can view these as attacks to her personally. If I just let everything go, submit and let her be in charge, things are fine. I often ask myself, however, is that really a healthy or sustainable working relationship?

I enjoy my job at Prisma and I want to work well with TK. I don’t think she realizes how domineering she can be or how she’s not truly open to criticism or change. I believe that I am open to constructive criticism and positive change, and I welcome your ideas on how I personally can improve.

Thank you,
Allison Nelson
Prisma Capital Partners
One Penn Plaza, suite 3515
New York, NY 10119
212-590-0827
__________________________________________________________
They never got back to me. Just sent a calendar invite for tomorrow morning when we have yet another mediated conversation with the HR gal. If everything goes as it always does, my point of view won't be validated or understood and I will be expected to submit in order to keep the peace. HR hates contention, so they'd rather stick their head in the sand than deal with the liability. Our other co-worker sacrifices all dignity and principle for peace, so I seem like the problem child b/c I actually, occasionally speak up against the repression.
Yes, I lied about enjoying my job. The cash flow is too good to walk away. And I can't believe its me in my own life sometimes. Sheesh. What a nightmare. And I have to keep suckin' it up for five more months until I can take maternity leave.

Polling All Post-Pregnancy People

So, I'm tempted to schedule a C-section instead of trying to deliver naturally, which may inevitably result in a C-section anyway. There are pros and cons to both options, of course. Scheduling would allow me to shower, clean my house, pack my hospital bag, ensure that Peter were present, enable my mom to purchase her plane ticket in advance and even be there for the delivery... naturally, recovery time would be lengthened, I'd feel nauseous after anaesthesia, and I couldn't hold the baby very well for a while. Oh yeah, and they tell me I couldn't drive for a month. Who cares? Mom will be in town to take care of me... hmm.... Going it naturally allows for a quicker recovery time, but I may tear, go through hours of labor pains, get hemorroids, and end up having a C-section anyway. Can you tell which way I'm leaning?
If you've given birth, what are your thoughts? I welcome any and all advice, chiquitas!

The Pete goes to Utah

Peter was able to go to UT last weekend for a plethora of family events: Patrick's graduation from BYU (good job on the MBA Patty!), Nate & Erica's wedding in the SLC temple (apparently Elder Bednar performed the sealing b/c he knows Nate), and Arianne & Ben's baby blessing (Eleanor Coltraine). Peter met Trey & Autumn for the first time (McDonald nephew and niece) and was amused by Trey's antics, esp his stealing of Autumn's binky and sitting on top of her; stayed with Patalie in Provo one night; and generally had a wonderful time reconnecting with everybody. I was sad to miss these significant events, but so happy that he could go.

Three teenage girls, three adult women, one bathroom, five days... = mayhem. It also spells giggles, shopping, exhaustion, FUN, chaos, and slumber party. Peter wisely left for the weekend. In fact, the first night he was around, but he cowboy'd up and spent the night in the "call room" at the hospital. When I asked him how it was he said, "hot and dirty." So, he was a real trooper. Once we got rid of him, the party started.

Party guests included my sister Teri and niece Miranda from CO Springs; my cousin Leann and her two daughters Morgan and Macy from southern central CO (SanLuis Valley). We did it all!

We shopped til we dropped; glammed it up at Sephora; signed up for and won the Wicked lottery (so Miranda and Morgan could see it. Thanks again Macy for so graciously obliging); ate at Planet Hollywood; ran away from crazy people in Times Square; went to the temple to do baptisms; stood in line for four hours to get on the Regis & Kelly show (I was too tired and bowed out, but the girls said it was wonderful); pigged out on NY cheesecake; walked until our feet hurt; saw the Easter Parade on 5th Avenue; relaxed by Harlem Meer in Central Park; saw "Million Dollar Quartet" on Broadway; went to church on Easter Sunday; saw the Statue of Liberty & Ellis Island; shopped at Macy's; saw Madison Square Garden and the view from the 35th floor at One Penn Plaza (my workplace); ate pastries in Grand Central Terminal; ate Italian food in Little Italy; spent a lot of time and money in Duane Reade pharmacy (sadly, Teri had a bad cough the entire time); walked up 5th Avenue; discovered H&M; shopped at Macy's; enjoyed the Manhattan skyline from the Brooklyn Promenade; happened upon the Easter Parade and enjoyed the random costumes; bought uber amounts of $5 sunglasses, scarves and tee-shirts; avoided most of the rats in the subway; slept little; ate at TOM's RESTAURANT; saw celebreties in the Wax Museum; and gave money to a few street performers with surprising talent and entertainment value.

And now they're gone and I'm having girl withdrawls. But I'm so happy to have the Pete back!

Thanks ladies for a fantastic weekend! I laughed until it hurt and can't wait until we do it again.

Separate vacationers

Peter and I have a "long" history of taking separate vacations. We don't enjoy being apart, but we're both so independent and what with work/ school constraints, its often works out that way. For example, in mid March I went to AZ for a week. He was supposed to come with, but some scheduling conflict at the hospital pushed his vacation to April... when I was working. So, Peter went up to New Hampshire for 7 days to visit sister Amy and family.

In 2008, I went to Italy for seven weeks, practically abandoning Peter that summer. Good thing for Skype and email to keep us connected. Last summer, I went to UT without him for a Nelson Family Reunion because he had to work. I can't count how many trips to AZ I've taken by myself over the past few years... maybe 3 or 4? Next January I hope to spend a month in Arizona with our new baby! I hope Peter can come out mid trip for a week. It'll be his turn for diaper duty and midnight feedings. No, actually we're toying with the idea of blessing our baby in AZ. Maybe at his parents' home in Scottsdale, Sunday afternoon, private party to include both sides of the family? TBD. The important thing is that in the future, we hope to take more vacations together! This is our family goal.

Here are some pics/ highlights of our recent separate vacations:

AZ - March 13-21 (Allison): The weather was perfect (between 76-90 degrees for the high). So, I took long walks daily and went hiking a couple of times. The hike with Wade, Jake and Meredith on Saturday night was the funniest memory (you three know the story). Let's just say that it was a "Super Moon." We went to a Cubs Spring Training game on Tuesday and got a mild sunburn, but you never care when you're eating hotdogs and peanuts. The best part was of course spending time with my family. I got to goosh on Meredith's little guy Quinn daily. He has a growing vocabulary and a friendly "Hi" for everyone he meets; eventually he called me "Alf." He's not quite two. I got to do puzzles with niece Livvy, learn all about nephew Wyatt's video games, and to take walks to the park with Theron. Sadly, I kicked the ball right on nephew Theron's head on one occasion of a kickball gathering, much to the amusement of certain adults and much to the fright and horror to Theron and his mother. Poor little guy. He eventually forgave me. I got to play trains with Weston, relax and sleep in, not to go to work or even thing about it, get a pedicure with the girls, laugh raucously at Olive Garden (just like the commercial), throw the softball with Wade, and chat at length with Mom and Dad. I enjoyed gourmet Italian cooking with fresh salad from Wade's garden; Meredith's homemade cinnamon rolls, Diane's perfect pie crust, and fresh squeezed orange juice from my parents' tree each morning. I relish the memory of telling Chari that I was pregnant, with her big hug and tears of joy. She made the evening so special and memorable.

I enjoyed dining with my father-in-law Steven and getting to see the new house they are purchasing in Scottsdale. Wow! Its huge and unique, there's even a party hut (picture Gilligan's Island) next to the pool in the backyard. I can picture myself throwing many parties here....

I didn't have spare time to see many of my dear AZ friends because I was only there a week and I hadn't seen my family in so long. Therefore, I prioritized family, but next winter, I will be calling all y'all.

(AZ pictures coming soon...)

NH: April 2-8 (Peter): took the Fung-Wah Chinatown bus from NYC and survived; played Barbies with nieces Cope, Brynne and Paige; went running with Amy and Paige (who technically got pushed in the stroller); took Nelson to karate lessons; recited poetry for Amy; had lunch with Gregor and attended the Priesthood Session of General Conference; did yardwork; has snowball fights; worked out at Proctor Academy gym; slept in; ate too much; bonded with Amy and generally had an uber-marvelous time! For a more indepth coverage of Peter's trip, see Makechnie's blog/ link - "A Post, A Toast to Petey."

Boy or Girl?

We may be able to find out if our baby is a girl or a boy on Tuesday, April 19, which is exactly 16 weeks along. If not, we'll have to wait another few weeks. My gut reaction when I took the pregnancy test on February 7 was BOY. Mary agrees. My mom and a close friend JB say its a GIRL. What do you think it is? Guess with me. So far our name choices have progressed to: Sydnie Jolene Nelson - girl; Jonah Patrick Nelson - boy. Course Peter says I'll find out the name at the baby's blessing when he, the MAN, tells everyone what it is. Yeah, bout that...

H.M.S. Pinafore

What, never? No, never! What, never? Well, hardly ever...

Last month, a nice lady was badly bitten by a dog, and ended up in the Emergency Room at St. Luke's Hospital. Peter was on call, so he repaired her face. She liked the said Dr. Nelson, of course, and as the Assistant Director to an upcoming production of Gilbert & Sullivan's H.M.S. Pinafore, she offered us complimentary tickets as a thank you gift.

I'd never seen it before and was not familiar with the lyrics. Peter, however, grew up with the music because Mother Mary indoctrinated her children with Gilbert & Sullivan. Thus, Peter practically sang along! The show was darling and witty, and really gave a flavor for British humor in the late 19th century (the show first opened in 1878 in London). We had a fabulous time.

It was a gorgeous day in the city, and we walked to and from the theatre (El Teatro of El Museo del Barrio) across the northern swath of Central Park, alongside the Harlem Mier. Purdy!

Peter liked the character "Dick Dead Eye" who wore an eye patch; I liked the songs about the sisters, and the cousins and the aunts. Its a classic. Now I want to see the Mikado and Pirates of Penzance.

I used to say that Peter never took me to musical theatre productions, but the truth is "hardly ever."